Two things I'm going to mention. I don't plan on making this a long post, but then again, plans mean nothing to me.
Fairly recently I've had some of my worldviews seriously challenged. This is a source of serious inner turmoil to me, because I like to think I keep better informed and am more openminded about what's going on in the world around me. One serious shortcoming I have that makes this goal very difficult to achieve is my inability to analyze details. I gain vague impressions of the larger picture, and form opinions based on that. But when I'm asked to come up with specific reasons for what I believe, I fall flat. This is part of what makes me a lousy debater. I can't say why I believe something with any reason that would satisfy, I just tend to work by observing the world and, eventually coming up with universal concepts, if I can call them that. I'm also lousy at debating, because even if I'm talking about something I know a lot about, my mind doesn't work in a way that can come back with a strong argument right away. For me, it's more like three hours later I think, "Ya, that's what I should've said." It's phenomenally frustrating for someone who puts serious effort into staying informed. And having these shortcomings so easily pointed out is incredibly aggravating. But despite how I sound right now, I'm glad that someone is "kind" enough to point these faults out to me. I'm glad that I'm challenged to better myself in this way. I hope that we all would take the same view.
In other breaking news, I"ve gotten all-time high scores in Minesweeper. To me, this is a big deal, and you're all going to have to humour me. It's one of those things I truly excel at, which is really sad. Now if only I could find a job that requires that kind of skill.
High scores, for those who care are as follows:
Beginner level: 4 seconds
Intermediate level: 32 seconds
Expert level: 113 seconds
I don't brag much, so please indulge me this time.
And no, I don't plan on posting so often, just when I have something major going on in my life.

I'm not totally sure how to word what I want to say. As usual, I'll figure it out as I go along. For the past few years, I've gone through the epic struggle that many people my age have gone through - that is, the struggle to find and achieve whatever career will make me feel somewhat useful, fairly fulfilled, and reasonably reimbursed for my efforts. It's been a big thing for me, actually. I went through 4 years of post-secondary torture. Most of it was pointless, except for the purpose of helping me figure out what I'm not going to do for a living. To be completely honest, I try to think outside the box, so I realize that your career isn't automatically what is going to fulfill you; it's not necessarily your great destiny on this planet. But for me, I think my career, if I have one in store will be a big part of why God put me on this planet.
Crikey, I've barely started this rant and I'm already getting off track.
Anyways, to give a little background: like I said, I went through four long years of wandering in the academic desert, trying to figure out my calling. And basically every year, or in some cases every semester, I'd hit upon a new career choice. And within a few months, I'd realize as much of an interest as I had in the field, it was really not something I was able, or in some cases willing to devote myself to. As a result, I'm at the age where I should have a degree, or something to show for the time and effort I've put in, and maybe even a job where pretty much everyone I work with isn't higher up the chain than me. But hey, that's the way it worked out. I've got a job where the garb is disposable, and I'm glad the work is only mostly pointless, as opposed to damaging to our society's moral fibre. I mean, who really needs to go out to an Italian restaurant for dinner? Save some money, go to the grocery store, buy pasta, cheese, sauce and whatever else and make what you want at home. There's no need to spend an arm and a leg on Fettucine Alfredo. Wait, I forgot. There is as long as I work there.
I'm trying to convey here that my lack of substantial accomplishments has for quite some time been a source of extreme annoyance. As I told a friend earlier tonight, it's something that's been gnawing at the back of my brain for quite some time, and that will continue to some degree or another, visibly or not every day until I have achieved some level of accomplishment in my life.
Why am I taking up valuable web space explaining this? Because this is actually a major part of who I am at the moment. If you can understand this, you can understand me. Gee whillikers, that's a scary thought. But it's true. For some reason, I think I've been unwilling to honestly face this issue in my life. I'm facing it now, because I'm starting on the long slow journey towards resolving this issue, so I guess I can say I'm doing something about it.
I believe I've referred to this... what do you call it? A gap? a regret? a source of pain? hmm.. no, I don't like that last one. Too melodramatic. but it's a nasty feeling, that's for sure. I know that you never really get to a place in your life where you say, well here I am. I got everything I want, now I just sit back and enjoy it. I know I won't have that after I've gotten my education and gotten a decent job. But I will have reached a goal which I've always felt was definitely within reach.
As always, I welcome your feedback. It's a source of comfort to me to know that there's a few people out there who feel like they're in the same boat as me, so if this does the same thing for the masses of readers out there, hey that's great.
Going to bed now, I think.

Well, today was sure a fascinating day. Nitz woke me up around 9ish to tell me that the space shuttle Columbia had exploded. Some of you might be phenomenally annoyed if someone did that to you, but I'm a news junkie, and I always like to keep on top of that stuff, so i was glad that he did it. Needless to say, I reacted the way most people have, with shock and horror. In a small way, I found out how much this has affected people. I have a friend I talk with every so often on icq from Israel, and happened to talk with her while I was watching the news this morning. I'd found out that one of the astronauts was from Israel; what's more, he was the first Israeli astronaut in space. So he was quite a hero to his people of course. Now, they are dealing with a great loss. I hope we will all offer our prayers and compassion.
On a brighter note, and I hope no one will think me crass for thinking this funny, on CBC newsworld during the unfolding events they were interviewing "innocent bystanders" in Nacogdoches, Texas. The news anchor was talking to one guy over the phone who, if I remember correctly had found a piece of wreckage. He described what he'd found, where he found it, then said (this is a very rough paraphrase) "Cousin Billy found an afterburner. D'you wanna talk with him?" News anchor was briefly flustered then said, "Yes, please. We'd like to talk with anyone who can give us information." So Cousin Billy comes on the phone, and news anchor said, "Hello, this is So-and-so, from CBC Newsworld. Toronto. Canada." Cousin Billy was nice enough to describe in great detail the debris he'd found, then went on to say how he was instructed to go to the hospital where the doctors told him to "Wash his hands and sign a release form". That's great. Of course, the chances of anyone encountering any hazardous material, besides that which is still extremely hot is microscopic. But apparently washing his hands and signing that release form shields Cousin Billy from any toxic chemicals or other dangerous materials.
I don't know if I conveyed the full emotion of the whole episode, but I was quite amused, under the circumstances. It reminded me of the breaking news I watched on 9/11 when they'd apparently run out of other experts to interview, so they broadcast a statement made by the Chief something or other Coroner Guy from Ontario, basically telling us no more than we already knew. I had visions in my head of the CBC newsworld News Director running outside in a panic, looking around wild-eyed then pointing at someone and yelling, "You! You're wearing a tie! Get in here!" CBC news is very thorough in it's reporting, but sometimes when a major event like this comes along, you catch the most entertaining bits as it's happening. That's why i always try to be there right from the get-go.
I've got to start doing more with my time. I feel like I'm just wasting my talents, whatever they may be. But I won't worry about that right now. I think I'll go burn something for dinner.